GUEST POST
Boundaries and Self-Advocacy
In 2021, I got COVID — hard. I was 49 years old and completely bedridden for nearly a month. I lost 12 pounds in a matter of weeks and was too weak to walk unassisted. At the time, I thought recovery would just be slow. What I didn’t expect was that the recovery would never quite come. Instead, my body seemed to be turning against me.
The weight came back — and just kept coming. My fatigue got worse. My cycle, once predictable, went completely erratic. My joints — especially my hands — ached so badly I struggled to do simple tasks. Brain fog settled in like a heavy cloud. And months later, my hair started thinning.
Every time I brought up a new symptom to my doctor, she brushed it off.
“It’s just post-COVID recovery.”
“Nothing to worry about.”
“There’s really nothing we can do.”
I begged for inflammation tests. They came back normal. She shrugged. I kept gaining weight and just couldn’t take it off like I used to. I began to think maybe this really is just my new normal — that my body had failed me, that something essential in me had broken and there was no fixing it.
But there was something else lingering at the back of my mind: Could this be perimenopause? The timing fit. I was at the right age. I knew COVID had messed with my immune system and hormones — maybe it had masked the signs, or even jumpstarted the change.
Then came the hot flashes. The night sweats. The sleep disruptions. My cholesterol started creeping up. And still, every year, I brought it all to my gynecologist.
Every year, she asked me if I was drinking enough water.
That was it.
No education. No curiosity. No deeper exploration. Just a hug, a supplement recommendation, and the same dismissive smile that said, “This isn’t something we take seriously yet.”
And still I pushed through — because that’s who I’ve always been. The capable one. The reliable one. The one who remembers the dentist appointments, picks up the groceries, shows up to every meeting prepared, manages the household while keeping a smile on her face.
But as the brain fog got worse, as the words wouldn’t come when I needed them, as my energy cratered, I didn’t feel capable anymore. I didn’t feel like me anymore. I felt like I was failing at everything — as a mom, a wife, a professional, and frankly, as a woman.
The Breaking Point
The last time I saw that gynecologist, I walked out of her office in tears. I had finally asked her, point blank, about hormone replacement therapy. She shut me down immediately: “We don’t do that until true menopause. There are risks.”
But she didn’t explain what risks she meant. She didn’t ask questions. She didn’t offer options. I got a supplement suggestion and another hug.
That moment broke something in me — and made space for something new.
I realized: no one was going to advocate for me but me. I had to be the one to take myself seriously. I had to set the boundary.
The Turning Point
So I started researching. I learned about the actual risks (minimal for someone like me) and the very real benefits of HRT. I joined communities, read studies, and connected with women who had been where I was. And then I found a new doctor — one who listened, asked thoughtful questions, and validated what I had been experiencing all along.
She prescribed hormone therapy.
Within a few weeks, the hot flashes were gone. The night sweats? Gone. I started sleeping better. The brain fog began to lift. And most importantly, I finally felt heard.
I also started eating more mindfully. I gave myself grace when I didn’t check every box or complete every task. I began to rebuild my trust — not just in my body, but in myself.
The Boundary Lessons I’ll Never Forget
This wasn’t just a health journey. It was a boundary journey. One that taught me three powerful lessons I want every woman to hear loud and clear:
- You Are Allowed to Question the “Experts.”
We’ve been trained to be polite, to trust authority, to defer — especially when it comes to our health. But when your doctor shrugs off your very real symptoms, that is not okay.
I’m not saying doctors are the enemy — but dismissive care is. And you don’t have to accept it. The answers may not always come from a doctor, and HRT may not always be the answer or the only answer. Be willing to do what it takes to find those answers.
Boundary shift: “I am the expert on my body. I have every right to ask questions, seek clarity, and walk away from providers who won’t take me seriously.”
- You Don’t Owe Anyone Quiet Compliance When You’re in Pain.
Being a “good girl” gets us gold stars in school. But in healthcare? It can cost us years of quality of life. I stayed silent for too long because I didn’t want to be difficult. I didn’t want to offend.
But boundaries aren’t about being difficult — they’re about being whole.
Boundary shift: “Advocating for my well-being isn’t rude — it’s responsible.”
- Self-Advocacy Is Self-Care.
Bubble baths are great. So are yoga classes and green smoothies. But the most radical form of self-care is demanding better. Better answers. Better treatment. Better outcomes.
Boundary shift: “Taking care of myself means making hard calls and speaking uncomfortable truths — especially when I’m being dismissed.”
Final Thoughts
Perimenopause is a messy, confusing, invisible transition — one that too many women suffer through silently, alone, or under the guidance of outdated information. I don’t want that for you.
If you’re in the thick of it — exhausted, foggy, gaining weight despite your best efforts, questioning whether you’re going crazy — you’re not. You’re changing. And you deserve support for that.
So here’s your permission slip: Ask the questions. Push back. Find a new doctor, or a skilled health coach. Explore all the options available to you. Say the hard thing. Say “no” to inadequate care. Say “yes” to taking your symptoms seriously. Say “I matter” — and mean it.
Because you do.
Want to Learn More?
If this story resonated with you, you’re not alone. I support high-achieving women navigating the overlap of midlife, motherhood, and identity shifts — and if you’re looking for a supportive space to explore your next step, you can find me on Instagram or Facebook, or subscribe to my blog, The Boundary Boost.
Steph Koenig is a life coach passionate about empowering women to reclaim their time, energy, and confidence through the art of healthy boundaries. A wife and mom of two, Steph brings 25 years of experience navigating the complexities of balancing demanding careers and family life, and supporting hundreds of women through similar challenges. She now shares her hard-earned strategies to help women move from feeling overwhelmed and overcommitted to feeling confident, in control, and free of guilt and burnout.
